Halloween 2007: September finds
-Newfangled Pumpkin-man-
 A set of light-up bobbleheads from last year has returned to the shelves of Dollar General, but with
an updated and definitely nicer-looking pumpkin-monster. The other two from last year's set have
gone unchanged except that they're a couple inches shorter.
September 1st - Dollar General
 Another month of mayhem!
-Mini Inflatable Pumpkins-
Nothing to say except that these are ludicrously cute, small and easy to throw at people.
September 5th - Dollar Tree
-Multi-faced candy monsters-
Filled with generic sour Halloween candy, these guys' faces spin wildly at the touch of a button before
landing on a random expression as you can see
here and here. I got both for the sake of
completeness, but we all know the spinning-faced-candy-filled Angel of Death is the winner of the two.
-Cyclops Candy Bag-
 This goofy green cyclops comes as a mildly interesting surprise in an otherwise predictable selection
of tote bags in the shape of pumpkins and witches.
September 8th - Wal-Mart
-Scary Clowns!!!-
 A brand new set of ghastly, dangling monster heads for 2007 with a surprise theme to make every
caulrophobe's eyes water! You've got your maniacally happy nightmare clown, your exposed-brain
cadaver clown, trite heavy metal poster clown, and even nauseatingly old clown for just $2.22 a pop.

  Now that I've bought them and shown them to you, I never have to look at them or touch them
September 12th - Toys R' Us
-Mummy Lantern-
 These also come with a similarly snazzy little reaper or pumpkin-man inside, but I just picked up the
vengeful Pharaoh for now. If you like either Halloween or mummies, you have probably noticed that
very few Halloween mummies ever really acknowledge their Egyptian roots.
September 12th - Target
-Halloween Play-Doh characters-
 I may not have any use for Play-doh at my age, but it is my favorite fragrance in the world and
when you put that in a $1.99 set of kiddie Halloween monsters, you have yourself a sale.
-Bendy Latex Werewolf-
 A series of large-headed latex monsters have been around since 2004, featuring a hydrocephalic
vampire, warty green witch, Frankenstein's monster and a skeleton that I've owned since its debut,
but only in 2007 has the line finally expanded with the addition of this GNARLY little wolf-man and
the pirate skeleton in the above link.

  With his grotesquely cartoonish style, this is actually the first werewolf item I've ever felt the need to
own. A milestone!
 SWEET JESUS! It seems like every year that I call something the best find of my life, but rest
assured that if I say it a thousand times more, this will always be the time I
meant it. A bug-eyed
rubber maggot creature is the sort of collectible I've dreamt of since the soft spot closed up on my
skull, and something I'd have treasured in virtually any size or format, but this isn't
just a bug-eyed
rubber maggot.

  This is a
13-inch, motion-sensing ANIMATED rubber maggot, and its behavior is exactly as
magnificent as the name implies:
 The lurching! The crawling! The ravenous slurping! This isn't just the coolest Halloween
thingamabob I've ever discovered, but the coolest
insect thingamabob I've ever discovered. It even
waves its head like a wandering caterpillar!

  Still not impressed? Try reading the
September 13th - Factory Card Outlet
-Squeeze Monsters ("Stretches Body")-
 Another instant classic, these hideous freaks are super stretchy
and slightly sticky, with rubber bean-bag heads that ingeniously
incorporate free-floating eyeballs!

  I love how the line offers three classic creatures (bottom row)
as well as a trio of all-original weirdos (upper row) which I
brought home immediately. The malformed zipper-mutant is the
most imaginative and disturbing, but you gotta love the goofy
ugliness of bug-eyed frogman and the delightful absurdity of
cyclopean pumpkin mouse!

  My only criticism is that these guys are somewhat stickier than
other stretchy toys, leaving them highly vulnerable to dust
particles. Back in the package with you, zipperman!
September 16th - Super Fresh Food Market
-Skeleton Candy Bowl-
 This isn't really anything special - I buy these kinds of fundamental knick-knacks all the time without
blabbing about them at all - but I'm trying to make my Halloween blogs thorough, and I think the
photo of this turned out exceptional. I liked its rather striking face, and it was perfect to fill a particular
spot on a particular shelf that's always bothered me.
September 19th - Wal-Mart
-MORE Scary Clowns!-
 I thought four varieties were maniacal enough, but it turns out that old wally-world harbors no less
than SIX of these ghastly goofballs! I like both of these guys more than the other four, so they were a
pleasant surprise as far as eye-burning, soul-sucking, childhood-trauma-dredging CLOWNS tend to

  The one on the left is interesting as the only member of the troupe with no hair and no nose, leaving
his costume the sole indicator of clownishness. The other one is interesting because its head is ripped
directly from a
common Don Post Halloween mask.
-Unsettling big-head goblin thing-
 So I was totally wrong about there being just "a couple" new faces in the big-head latex monster
series. In addition to the wolf-man and a skeleton pirate, I was recently informed of a MUMMY in
the mix, which I searched for far and wide to find only this INCREDIBLY ugly hobgoblin lying around
all alone in a Wal-Mart! If that's not enough, there was also
this "sexy" new witch, just slightly too
disturbing for me to purchase or photograph. Oddly, not only were both of these monsters found
alone, but I haven't seen a single big-head wolfman since the one I purchased on the 12th. These new
big-heads are terribly elusive.

  The best thing about this malformed little freak - aside from looking like the lovechild of Gollum and
Yoda - are the random, nasty tufts of hair on his scalp and forearms.
September 19th - CVS Pharmacy
-Squeezey-eye Ghost Keychains-
 These delightfully tiny phantoms have sticky, gelatinous eyes that bulge hideously when their soft,
rubber bodies are squeezed. The one on the left is especially cool, his freakier, more alien face offset
by an "ey, wassup yo?" posture.

  ...But are these cute, tiny ghosts, or cute, tiny serial killers in Halloween costumes? Maybe they're
just one of each...but WHICH IS WHICH!?! !!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!!

!!!!!!! !!! !!!!!
-Hand-mummy Pen-
 NOT a mummy's hand, but a hand mummy. A mummy who is also a hand. What a world we live in!