Written by Jonathan Wojcik
THE THIRTEEN SPOOKIEST NEW POKEMON (MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING!)
Next to Halloween, is
any major event in our civilization more pure and just than the introduction of new pokemon? Cities may collapse, species may vanish into extinction, nightmare political empires may rise and fall, but millenia from now, insectoid cyberchildren will be picking their favorites from the 3,000 Pokemon we left behind before we nuked ourselves into oblivion, and they'll grow up knowing that whatever we were, we must have had something resembling goodness nestled
somewhere beneath our brutal and ugly exteriors - that we were once so much more than the frightening, charred skeletons littering the dusty wastes of a scabrous and poisoned Earth.
What was this about again? Digimon?
Oh hey, wait, there's new Neopets or something!
#13: LUNALA
If you've been reading my
quasi-daily pokemon reviews, you know I'm not usually a fan of most legendary pokemon. They usually feel like they're trying too hard, their designs a little awkward and their concepts just not all that charming.
Lunala, however, is a downright gorgeous design, just complex enough to have that "legendary" feel without feeling as cluttered up as beasts like
Rayquaza or those hokey Djinn things.
More importantly, it's a giant legendary
bat, with wings like a night sky, haunting luminous crescents, a tail like an ominous pendulum and an external skeleton. Of all the bat pokemon we have so far, I'd have previously chosen
Gliscor as the
Halloweeniest in its overall aesthetic, but Lunala easily knocks the scorpion-bat down a peg in the spook department.
#12: SHIINOTIC
From the moment it was unveiled, I
loved the idea of having a "fairy" type, and it honestly hasn't disappointed. While every single fairy pokemon has been "cute," it's typically in a mischievous fashion befitting the fae folk. This grass/fairy mushroom, for instance, uses its bioluminescence to lure unsuspecting humans and pokemon deeper into the forest to "sap them of energy," like the fifth generation's
Litwick or the mythological Will O' Wisp. I also appreciate Shiinotic's elongated, green fingers and simple, blank space-alien face.
#11: LYCANROC
The idea of a wolf pokemon has been so clamored for that I could never help finding it tiresome already, but now that one is finally here,
I don't mind it at all. Its quadrupedal, Sun-exclusive "midday form" is rather straightforward and predictable, but in Pokemon
Moon, it stands up on its hind legs - a reverse werewolf! - and takes on a cartoonier feel I find reasonably charming. Even sharing a few anatomical imperfections with the messy
Lucario, it manages to have just enough of a "Big Bad Storybook Wolf" vibe for my approval.
#10: Type: Null and Silvally
While Midday and Midnight Lycanroc are considered one "species" with two alternate forms,
Type: Null and
Silvally are considered two evolutionary stages, which is strange, because literally all that changes here is that the monster's helmet comes off. Even its stats remain the same except for an increase in
speed, having shed a few pounds of cumbersome metal.
With aspects of bird, mammal, fish and even insect, you can tell just by looking that this pokemon is a product of Frankensteinian science, and in fact, it seems to represent an attempt at
recreating Arceus. Just like Arceus, it can become
any typing in the game once it "evolves" into Silvally, and even its head gear in its first stage borrows a few characteristics from the god pokemon.
I will say I find this monster much, much cooler with its helmet on, but I'm glad even its unmasked griffon face has big bolts on the sides of its head, just so we don't lose as much of that Laboratory Experiment aesthetic.
#09: PALOSSAND
A delightfully weird idea for a
ghost/ground type, Palossand begins its life as nothing but a
Sandyghast, said to be a heap of sand haunted by a powerful "grudge." By taking control of human minds - particularly children - it has more and more mass added to itself until it becomes a full-blown sandcastle.
...A sandcastle that
kills.
The pokedex assures us that buried beneath pallosand are
all the bones of its past victims.
#08: SALAZZLE
The unevolved form of this pokemon,
Salandit, is our first ever poison/fire type and possesses the unique ability "corrosion," which allows it to inflict poison status on pokemon normally immune to it, such as steel types and its fellow poison types. Already a dastardly little fiend, but its official lore also mentions that the
females are able to lure and control "males of all species" with the pheromones they admit.
Those females, and only the females, eventually evolve into
Salazzle - seductive lizard women whose markings resemble a frilly swimsuit and whose pokedex lets us know that they keep "harems." Maybe you thought I'd make fun of all this for being fetish bait, but you're only
half right, because while ot's certainly weird and funny in its own way, the concept of a sultry, hypnotic, acidic fire-lizard is also just plain wicked as hell. I could see Salazzle as enemies in a game like
Dark Souls.
#07: TAPU LELE
Tapu Lele is one of four special "island guardians," each of them a sort of tiny, black pixie in an artificial-looking shell. When closed, these shells form the heads of four different animals, and Lele here, a fairy type, can close up into the head of a pink butterfly. This doesn't seem all that spooky, no, until you read some of her official lore, courtesy pokemon-sunmoon.com:
"There is a legend which says that long ago Tapu Lele once brought an end to war between the islands of Alola by scattering its scales and soothing the tired warriors. In truth, it's said that the war ended because the warriors, empowered by the scales, all fought to their final breath.
Tapu Lele scatters glowing scales that physically affect others—providing stimulation to their bodies and healing their illnesses or injuries. But these scales can be dangerous as well, because a body can’t withstand the changes brought about by contact with too many scales at the same time. It will scatter its scales over humans and Pokémon for its own enjoyment; while it is innocent in one sense, there is also cruelty in the way it casually brings others to ruin."
That
bold part was even completely left out of the English version of the site, one of the first times anyone has caught a pokemon's description getting toned down for a non-japanese audience. Like I said, fairy pokemon really trend toward the sinister, and if you know the first thing about authentic fairy lore, you're not even surprised.
#06: BUZZWOLE
Yes, there is a pokemon called BUZZWOLE, and it is a hulked-out mansquito whose "muscles" seem to be sacs of absorbed blood. I've longed for a mosquito pokemon since the original red/blue, but I never would have expected something this utterly bonkers. It isn't just any regular pokemon either, but one of the new "ULTRABEASTS" - mysterious menaces from a parallel dimension!
#05: PHEROMOSA
I'm sure you know I've also waited eagerly for a
cockroach pokemon since basically day one, and like Buzzwole, we've gotten one with a highly unexpected twist. This cockroach is also known as the "beauty" Ultrabeast, a delicate and angelic looking creature said to "avoid touching anything" because it finds our world "unclean."
I'm sure this was supposed to be an ironic twist, but the real irony is that this
more accurately represents a cockroach than their unfounded reputation for filthiness, so while I might have loved some scuzzy, sleazy dark/bug or bug/poison Blattodean, I can just as easily embrace Pheromosa.
#04 ALOLAN MAROWAK
In a highly unexpected twist, a new "Alola form" for the classic
Marowak ditches its original typing completely, going from a ground type to a
ghost/fire type. Why? You
may recall (
just maybe) that the bones carried by Cubone and Marowak are supposedly those of their own dead mothers. How every single member of this species has a dead mother and still exists at all, we won't get into again, but in the case of
Alolan Marowak, the
soul of its dead mother is said to
awaken in her old bones, assisting her offspring in battle with her ghost-type powers.
#03: DHELMISE
Another of my new favorites and easy main-team material, Dhelmise appears to consist mostly of a ship's anchor and helm, but its
grass/ghost typing betrays its secret; the pokemon is only the
algae encrusting the anchor, our first-ever pokemon consisting of completely faceless, formless ooze. It was about damn time! Seriously, GHOST ALGAE. How cool is that?!
#02: Mimikyu
This ghost/fairy pokemon was one of the first Gamefreak officially previewed, and it rightfully became a fandom darling overnight. Its true form is said to be so
horrifying that those who see it can fall ill or simply
drop dead from shock, but the poor little thing only wants to be loved. It wants to be loved so much, it made itself its own adorably crude Pikachu disguise and attempts to approach human children.
This is how you make something irresistibly lovable: by making it sad and pathetic and completely messed up and
just trying its best, damn it.
#01: NIHILEGO
The very first "ultrabeast" ever revealed, Nihilego's fascinating design resembles both a jellyfish and a disembodied, ghostly hairdo with a flower hat on top. Though animated cutely and said to behave "like a little girl," it's also our first ever
rock/poison type, because it's apparently more "crystalline mineral" than "jelly," and the pokedex also calls it
"The Parasite Pokemon." We don't know exactly what's up with this creature just yet, but the dex goes on to mention that it somehow
infests people and makes them
violent. It's an adorable, girly silicon-based jellyfish hat phantom with no eyes that came from another universe and creates rage zombies.
As far as Pokemon go, I think this ultrabeast easily wins as the scariest of
all time...but though small, Alola is still an
exceptionally spooky pokemon generation, so we're not going to end just yet:
HONORABLE MENTIONS
GOLISOPOD
Just barely pushed off of our "spookiest" list, Golisopod is based on the giant, deep-sea isopods that have enjoyed increasing media attention over the last ten to fifteen years. What's really fun about this hulking sea-roach, however, is its personality gimmick. It evolves from
Wimpod, whose unique ability, "wimp out," forces it to flee (or switch) as soon as its hit points drop to 50% or less.
Once it evolves into the mighty, menacing Golisopod, "wimp out" becomes "emergency exit," which...does the exact same thing, only now it sounds cool. Big, scary Golisopod is still a coward who runs away as soon as it's in any real danger, but it wants you to
think it's merely a
strategic mastermind.
TOXAPEX
As soon as I saw this one, it started climbing up my list of all-time favorite Pokemon designs, possibly finding its way up there next to
Gloom and
Garbodor. Representing the invasive, highly destructive
Crown of Thorns Starfish, Toxapex is a brutal water/poison type that apparently devours poor
Corsola alive, leaving a trail of their half-eaten bits and pieces wherever it goes. I love that entire nasty little body just dangling under the relatively huge Echinoderm limbs, actually right where a real starfish would extrude its stomach!
ALOLAN MUK
I appreciate that most "Alolan" forms were given to less popular, less respected first-gen pokemon instead of a bunch of starters and legendaries. There's even Alola Raticate! In Muk's case, the story goes that
Grimer were imported to Alola and modified to consume solid garbage, rather than liquid sludge, in an effort to clean up the islands of trash and, yes, cut down the wild population of
Trubbish, because it's always a totally sound idea to combat one invasive species by introducing another, right? Worked for Australia all those times?
If you ask me, almost every wave of Pokemon has only gotten better, with the fifth, sixth, and now seventh each
significantly better overall than the batch before it. There isn't a single Pokemon in the Alola region I find boring, and when we get around to re-reviewing these and the rest of their generation in my daily reviews, we'll have a lot of fun delving into the likes of
Toxapex and
Buzzwole in
far more detail.
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