Written by Jonathan Wojcik
AFTER ARMAGEDDON:
SLIME FORMS
CONTENT PROVIDED BY CRASHCARNIVAL
It's our very last look at one of the main characters from After Armaggedon...poor, sad little Loperus the Slime. You play through the game with all five monsters either way, but Loperus is the only one with an inherently lower stat total than the other four, his only "advantage" being the fact that he has no elemental weaknesses, though he hasn't any particular strengths, either. Regardless, he is clearly the best character, a good boy and deserves our support.
LOPERUS
In his default form, Loperus is as lovely as slimes come! A pleasantly conical pile of nicely rugose and textured green goo, like a heap of miscellaneous guts, with a single tiny eye cautiously peering from its mucky folds. He looks like the most vulnerable of the team. He's also got one of the most beautifully shaded and highlighted sprites we've seen, more photo-real than almost anything else in the game!
In his default form, Loperus is as lovely as slimes come! A pleasantly conical pile of nicely rugose and textured green goo, like a heap of miscellaneous guts, with a single tiny eye cautiously peering from its mucky folds. He looks like the most vulnerable of the team. He's also got one of the most beautifully shaded and highlighted sprites we've seen, more photo-real than almost anything else in the game!
AIDORAFAIZ
We're going to have to get the four "ultimate" forms out of the way first again, because once again, they are some of the most disappointing, with almost none of them even resembling a slime creature to any degree. This is just a blue flame guy? Really? They could have done better.
We're going to have to get the four "ultimate" forms out of the way first again, because once again, they are some of the most disappointing, with almost none of them even resembling a slime creature to any degree. This is just a blue flame guy? Really? They could have done better.
EMPTARL
A shaggy moth-yeti with cranial tentacles is probably the most interesting of the four "best" slimes, even if it's still not very slimy.
A shaggy moth-yeti with cranial tentacles is probably the most interesting of the four "best" slimes, even if it's still not very slimy.
HAGANTEUL
A cool looking armored humanoid with a fish tail, but again, not very exciting. Not very strange by the standards of this game.
A cool looking armored humanoid with a fish tail, but again, not very exciting. Not very strange by the standards of this game.
VULBRATION
And finally, another that looks like some kind of "flame elemental" being. At least this one is more blobby and squirmy and could pass for a slimy mass, but the skull head in the middle isn't as interesting as it should be to me. Let's move on to the GOOD STUFF!
And finally, another that looks like some kind of "flame elemental" being. At least this one is more blobby and squirmy and could pass for a slimy mass, but the skull head in the middle isn't as interesting as it should be to me. Let's move on to the GOOD STUFF!
ARZEYARYU
See, this is great! Just a veiny fleshy mass that branches into tentacles at the bottom and flares into a big worm-head up top. Was that so hard, guys?!
See, this is great! Just a veiny fleshy mass that branches into tentacles at the bottom and flares into a big worm-head up top. Was that so hard, guys?!
AUSROGEL
Another veiny, stringy and mud-colored one, but with a cool blue eye to break up the monotony, and two humanoid bodies forming from the same pool. I get the feeling this is meant to be a doppelganger sort of being.
Another veiny, stringy and mud-colored one, but with a cool blue eye to break up the monotony, and two humanoid bodies forming from the same pool. I get the feeling this is meant to be a doppelganger sort of being.
I like that this soft, polypous purple and green thing gives me the impression of a more humanoid monster that deflated like a balloon.
BANBEIBRAHMS
A cool eyeless reptiloid, or maybe it's more like a slimy salamander? I like the smoothly featureless upper cranium with the dangling, jawless looking lower lip. That's a good look!
A cool eyeless reptiloid, or maybe it's more like a slimy salamander? I like the smoothly featureless upper cranium with the dangling, jawless looking lower lip. That's a good look!
BANE GUARDRESS
So from the name, this would be...the female counterpart to whatever a Bane Guard is? Well, alright! Don't mistake this for a meaningless pile of bubbling tissue, though; she's got a clear symmetry going on, an almost fish-like flattened shape with what may be a circular mouth in the front. I really enjoy the combination of both huge, bubble-like cysts and all those wiggly flagellae.
So from the name, this would be...the female counterpart to whatever a Bane Guard is? Well, alright! Don't mistake this for a meaningless pile of bubbling tissue, though; she's got a clear symmetry going on, an almost fish-like flattened shape with what may be a circular mouth in the front. I really enjoy the combination of both huge, bubble-like cysts and all those wiggly flagellae.
BANPOULS
Now this is just a pile, and that's alright! It's an interestingly veiny, fleshy, lumpy pile like a very, very poorly formed fetus, and I do't know what the blue part is supposed to be, but once again it adds just the right splash of color.
Now this is just a pile, and that's alright! It's an interestingly veiny, fleshy, lumpy pile like a very, very poorly formed fetus, and I do't know what the blue part is supposed to be, but once again it adds just the right splash of color.
BEHOLDER
I love that the name "Beholder" just went to a dripping heap of mush. Are the eyes those two big, mis-matched bubbles, and the red part the interior of its mouth? I hope so because that's an adorable face we end up with.
I love that the name "Beholder" just went to a dripping heap of mush. Are the eyes those two big, mis-matched bubbles, and the red part the interior of its mouth? I hope so because that's an adorable face we end up with.
BICHEL
This slime looks very much like some sort of siphonophore, like a Man O' War, and I enjoy its overall wrinkly squiggliness. I also like that its "float" tapers off into a tail!
This slime looks very much like some sort of siphonophore, like a Man O' War, and I enjoy its overall wrinkly squiggliness. I also like that its "float" tapers off into a tail!
BITE SLINGER
"Bite Slinger!?!" What in the WORLD would it mean to sling a bite!? We don't even see any teeth on this thing! Wonderful, wonderful anatomy though. It's got arachnoid eyes on a bulbous, chitinous head with its own segmented worm tail and a tubular "stalk" ringed with little legs, all dripping a likely very poisonous purple fluid. Perhaps the stalk is actually a tubular mouth that it "walks" on, and sometimes it just whips that entire thing at its prey? That would certainly sling a bite, I reckon!
"Bite Slinger!?!" What in the WORLD would it mean to sling a bite!? We don't even see any teeth on this thing! Wonderful, wonderful anatomy though. It's got arachnoid eyes on a bulbous, chitinous head with its own segmented worm tail and a tubular "stalk" ringed with little legs, all dripping a likely very poisonous purple fluid. Perhaps the stalk is actually a tubular mouth that it "walks" on, and sometimes it just whips that entire thing at its prey? That would certainly sling a bite, I reckon!
BLEN BRAIN
A floating, cloud-like puff of what is apparently brain tissue with a human figure sprouting out of it. That is pretty ominous! Not my style but eerie as heck!
A floating, cloud-like puff of what is apparently brain tissue with a human figure sprouting out of it. That is pretty ominous! Not my style but eerie as heck!
BRAIN SHAKER
This brainy slime is more my kind of thing. Not as disturbing as Blen Brain, but I love it just having a big, fat brain for a body, which it apparently shakes!
This brainy slime is more my kind of thing. Not as disturbing as Blen Brain, but I love it just having a big, fat brain for a body, which it apparently shakes!
BREGLEUS
Wow, what is this?! The central piece looks like a shiny metal drum. Could it be a monster sprouting from some kind of radioactive canister, or something? Or is that meant to be oganic? The rest of the mass is difficult to follow but has what appears to be a distorted human hand on the end of a segmented trunk...and what COULD be an eye, or might just be the metallic core showing through a hole in the flesh.
Wow, what is this?! The central piece looks like a shiny metal drum. Could it be a monster sprouting from some kind of radioactive canister, or something? Or is that meant to be oganic? The rest of the mass is difficult to follow but has what appears to be a distorted human hand on the end of a segmented trunk...and what COULD be an eye, or might just be the metallic core showing through a hole in the flesh.
CAESAR CARANA
The longer I look at Caesar, the nastier he gets! It's like a dripping animal corpse, bloated and soggy like it's been floating in stagnant water for ten years without rotting, but I swear I see a human face at the top of the head, complete with "hair," and a thick fleshy tube erupting out from its mouth.
The longer I look at Caesar, the nastier he gets! It's like a dripping animal corpse, bloated and soggy like it's been floating in stagnant water for ten years without rotting, but I swear I see a human face at the top of the head, complete with "hair," and a thick fleshy tube erupting out from its mouth.
CRUSADE SLIME
Crusade Slime, Huh? I don't know what that would mean, but okay. It's got a neat look to it, with those six purple eyes and single tube-like limb.
Crusade Slime, Huh? I don't know what that would mean, but okay. It's got a neat look to it, with those six purple eyes and single tube-like limb.
DUSTOOL
DUSTOOL! I love that name! Especially knowing that the term "dust" in Japan is interchangeable with "trash." I don't know if that's even the intention here but I could certainly see this as a monster from a toxic dump. It's like a big, purple newt, splitting open intoa volcano of melting ghost faces. Excellent!
DUSTOOL! I love that name! Especially knowing that the term "dust" in Japan is interchangeable with "trash." I don't know if that's even the intention here but I could certainly see this as a monster from a toxic dump. It's like a big, purple newt, splitting open intoa volcano of melting ghost faces. Excellent!
EELZENAS
Cool as hell! Lots of wonderfully gooey and veiny textures packed into this single monster, which has a human face on the end of its Freudian trunk but what may be its "true" eyes up on its "shoulders!"
Cool as hell! Lots of wonderfully gooey and veiny textures packed into this single monster, which has a human face on the end of its Freudian trunk but what may be its "true" eyes up on its "shoulders!"
EEZELBURG
Why is that name so funny to me? I guess it immediately has me thinking that this monster sounds like Doctor Zoidberg, since it even has a melting face that kind of gives off a squid-headed vibe.
Why is that name so funny to me? I guess it immediately has me thinking that this monster sounds like Doctor Zoidberg, since it even has a melting face that kind of gives off a squid-headed vibe.
ELMOS FERAZI
Not gonna try to figure out the name but I think this is actually one of my favorites. It calls to mind a jellyfish, some kind of internal organ or an algae cell all at once, but the tentacles also kind of look like spermatophores pushing their way into an egg. Freaky!
Not gonna try to figure out the name but I think this is actually one of my favorites. It calls to mind a jellyfish, some kind of internal organ or an algae cell all at once, but the tentacles also kind of look like spermatophores pushing their way into an egg. Freaky!
EXITPAS
This one looks kind of nonsense at first, but it seems to be a headless, wrinkled humanoid torso that tapers off into a long ribbon of flesh, and then its actual rear and legs are on the end of it. It's sitting on itself!
This one looks kind of nonsense at first, but it seems to be a headless, wrinkled humanoid torso that tapers off into a long ribbon of flesh, and then its actual rear and legs are on the end of it. It's sitting on itself!
GELDMAD
A simple, cool and very focused monster design! Just a sludgy fella with no legs, multiple eyes and a swell cluster of teeth that really look like they can crunch your bones! I appreciate the little "splashes" in the lower pool, too, a great little action detail!
A simple, cool and very focused monster design! Just a sludgy fella with no legs, multiple eyes and a swell cluster of teeth that really look like they can crunch your bones! I appreciate the little "splashes" in the lower pool, too, a great little action detail!
GRAMEK JITOBA
Wow, this one's really wild too. Loving the giraffe-like skin pattern and how it's just a vaguely animal-shaped blob with what appear to be ten insect-like legs and a cephalopod's face. The legs curled completely beneath it also give me the impression that it actually floats through the air like this.
Wow, this one's really wild too. Loving the giraffe-like skin pattern and how it's just a vaguely animal-shaped blob with what appear to be ten insect-like legs and a cephalopod's face. The legs curled completely beneath it also give me the impression that it actually floats through the air like this.
GRAPHIST
What's even happening here?? This beast has what almost looks like a spiny tail coiled around itself, but it seems to be attached to its stomach along its entire length, so it's more like a dangling spare tire of flesh, lined with thorns.
What's even happening here?? This beast has what almost looks like a spiny tail coiled around itself, but it seems to be attached to its stomach along its entire length, so it's more like a dangling spare tire of flesh, lined with thorns.
HANGBABEL
LOVE this one! A big purple mountain of little barnacle-like nodules with rippling seaweed-like strands for "hair!" It would be cool enough without the two little dripping "arms," but they definitely add a nice extra dash of personality. To me, the whole thing feels like one of the more surreal Ultraman monsters.
LOVE this one! A big purple mountain of little barnacle-like nodules with rippling seaweed-like strands for "hair!" It would be cool enough without the two little dripping "arms," but they definitely add a nice extra dash of personality. To me, the whole thing feels like one of the more surreal Ultraman monsters.
HOMOPHALIX
Well "Homo" would mean "same" but I don't know what "Phalix" is. This thing is just a huge, pale, bulbous melon-head with jutting teeth, no lower jaw, a mane of tendrils and at least four little nubby bug limbs. I like the rows of small, closed eyes, and how they "fade" into just vestigial lumps higher up the temples. It's a cool, menacing monster with a lot of character, and I feel like it would totally have some kind of psychic powers.
Well "Homo" would mean "same" but I don't know what "Phalix" is. This thing is just a huge, pale, bulbous melon-head with jutting teeth, no lower jaw, a mane of tendrils and at least four little nubby bug limbs. I like the rows of small, closed eyes, and how they "fade" into just vestigial lumps higher up the temples. It's a cool, menacing monster with a lot of character, and I feel like it would totally have some kind of psychic powers.
HOP BRAIN
Of the "brain" slimes so far, this is my favorite. It's a much more decrepit, sickly looking cerebellum, it has some insectoid limbs as well as tentacles, and it has a fascinating tubular bulb-mouth distinct from what appear to be its eyes, the whole creature looking to me like the head of a space alien with some kind of gas mask apparatus.
Of the "brain" slimes so far, this is my favorite. It's a much more decrepit, sickly looking cerebellum, it has some insectoid limbs as well as tentacles, and it has a fascinating tubular bulb-mouth distinct from what appear to be its eyes, the whole creature looking to me like the head of a space alien with some kind of gas mask apparatus.
JEBZU SLIME
This is one of my overall favorites, but I get the feeling other people might find it boring. I just think a monster that consists entirely of large, gelatinous egg-like or cell-like spheres is really cool!! They even look like they contain embryonic organisms at varying stages of development!
This is one of my overall favorites, but I get the feeling other people might find it boring. I just think a monster that consists entirely of large, gelatinous egg-like or cell-like spheres is really cool!! They even look like they contain embryonic organisms at varying stages of development!
JESTAKYAS
Badass! This huge, hunched ghoul reminds me of something you might see in an 80's horror movie by Clive Barker or David Cronenberg. I especially like the color contrast provided by the lower ooze, and makes it look like it's rising from a grave.
Badass! This huge, hunched ghoul reminds me of something you might see in an 80's horror movie by Clive Barker or David Cronenberg. I especially like the color contrast provided by the lower ooze, and makes it look like it's rising from a grave.
KANCHAN
Haha, look at this guy. He looks like he's entirely butts and just wants to go back to bed.
Haha, look at this guy. He looks like he's entirely butts and just wants to go back to bed.
KAZWORK
Simple but interesting, a blind creature that seems to snuffle at the ground with its fat, tubular head and neck. I get sad feeling that with so many options on the table and this game not really selling too well, a lot of these subtler, less flashy monsters may have never once been chosen by an actual player.
Simple but interesting, a blind creature that seems to snuffle at the ground with its fat, tubular head and neck. I get sad feeling that with so many options on the table and this game not really selling too well, a lot of these subtler, less flashy monsters may have never once been chosen by an actual player.
KOMON FALTZ
Interesting how many monsters in this game are in sitting or kneeling positions, I guess because they kind of had limited space to work with? But, there's totally room for Komon to be standing on a pair of feet, so I guess it really is intended to crawl around on its knees like a baby. I wonder if all the purple nodules are eyes?
Interesting how many monsters in this game are in sitting or kneeling positions, I guess because they kind of had limited space to work with? But, there's totally room for Komon to be standing on a pair of feet, so I guess it really is intended to crawl around on its knees like a baby. I wonder if all the purple nodules are eyes?
MEZENGUADOLO
A skinless and bloody-looking monster with what appear to be angel wings...not something I'd expect from one fo the slime's forms at all.
A skinless and bloody-looking monster with what appear to be angel wings...not something I'd expect from one fo the slime's forms at all.
MORTMAPETT
I love Mortmapett! It's just a bunch of fungal looking globules with four bug limbs and some gill-like slits for a face. Another simple one that manages to look highly creative and unique! I really appreciate that some of the globules are a different color, too, it really makes a difference.
I love Mortmapett! It's just a bunch of fungal looking globules with four bug limbs and some gill-like slits for a face. Another simple one that manages to look highly creative and unique! I really appreciate that some of the globules are a different color, too, it really makes a difference.
NAKENOTES
One of the few slime forms that really seems to just be another slime-blob, but an interestingly doughy and putty-like one with a veiny, calcified looking nucleus, or something!
One of the few slime forms that really seems to just be another slime-blob, but an interestingly doughy and putty-like one with a veiny, calcified looking nucleus, or something!
NEBLECK
Just fascinating! Nebleck's got frog-like hands, a flattened tail, a curled up proboscis, bright red sacs on its back and a giant, stony disk on its "head." This is so totally a monster that buries itself like a trapdoor spider, isn't it?
Just fascinating! Nebleck's got frog-like hands, a flattened tail, a curled up proboscis, bright red sacs on its back and a giant, stony disk on its "head." This is so totally a monster that buries itself like a trapdoor spider, isn't it?
POO RETURN POT
P...poo...return? Pot???? I think that was an accident, but now I'm stuck thinking this is a monster that returns poo, which is PRETTY menacing.
It's a great design though, in all seriousness, a bulb head with a nasty, sharp proboscis rising from a gummy green mass with a lot of presumably fluid-filled hoses. I believe it's also meant to be transparent and we're seeing a greyish core suspended inside by strands of tissue.
P...poo...return? Pot???? I think that was an accident, but now I'm stuck thinking this is a monster that returns poo, which is PRETTY menacing.
It's a great design though, in all seriousness, a bulb head with a nasty, sharp proboscis rising from a gummy green mass with a lot of presumably fluid-filled hoses. I believe it's also meant to be transparent and we're seeing a greyish core suspended inside by strands of tissue.
REGULUS ROBER
A really fun name to say, and absolutely one of the coolest looking slimes here! It's basically a huge slug, complete with antennae, but its veiny outer skin looks tattered and torn to reveal whatever that is protruding from it. Red internal organs and a cluster of parasitic worms?
A really fun name to say, and absolutely one of the coolest looking slimes here! It's basically a huge slug, complete with antennae, but its veiny outer skin looks tattered and torn to reveal whatever that is protruding from it. Red internal organs and a cluster of parasitic worms?
REZROVER
ANOTHER of the coolest looking and another great name! We have yet another brainlike monster, but this one in a lovely range of purples with two slavering maws! The greenish-yellow shock of fur is a nice extra touch, too!
ANOTHER of the coolest looking and another great name! We have yet another brainlike monster, but this one in a lovely range of purples with two slavering maws! The greenish-yellow shock of fur is a nice extra touch, too!
ROGUE EYE
One hit after another! This marvelously disturbing creature looks like a severed demon head with a nasty little intestine-like tail and a tumorous collection of transparent, fluid-filled bubbles in which one of its eyeballs appears to be floating freely. Is that what they mean by "Rogue Eye?" That it just has an eye that refused to remain in its socket? or could it be that the eye itself took off with this monster's head, and the "bubbles" are a part of it? The entire monster basically looks like some kind of jellyfish is slowly digesting the remains of an oni, and it is SUPERB that I have ever been able to describe something that way.
One hit after another! This marvelously disturbing creature looks like a severed demon head with a nasty little intestine-like tail and a tumorous collection of transparent, fluid-filled bubbles in which one of its eyeballs appears to be floating freely. Is that what they mean by "Rogue Eye?" That it just has an eye that refused to remain in its socket? or could it be that the eye itself took off with this monster's head, and the "bubbles" are a part of it? The entire monster basically looks like some kind of jellyfish is slowly digesting the remains of an oni, and it is SUPERB that I have ever been able to describe something that way.
SHERRY GEL
What, like, it tastes like Sherry? It makes a gel that tastes like Sherry? It looks a very great deal like a vertebrate embro at its center, but with giant sea-green legs and a cluster of tubular, more puke-green tentacles!
What, like, it tastes like Sherry? It makes a gel that tastes like Sherry? It looks a very great deal like a vertebrate embro at its center, but with giant sea-green legs and a cluster of tubular, more puke-green tentacles!
SHURASKURA
More great names! This one is a whole mass of pale green flesh, melting as fluidly as hot ice cream with at least two heads and mouths.
More great names! This one is a whole mass of pale green flesh, melting as fluidly as hot ice cream with at least two heads and mouths.
SLIMONAK
Huh. So...the body of an ooze with the upper half of a minotaur. That's interesting, at least. Definitely haven't seen that before! This is nice for anyone who wishes they had a minotaur in the game, but then you miss out on all of these lovely slimes!
Huh. So...the body of an ooze with the upper half of a minotaur. That's interesting, at least. Definitely haven't seen that before! This is nice for anyone who wishes they had a minotaur in the game, but then you miss out on all of these lovely slimes!
TENTACULAS
Whoa, very creepy! It's got a really mucky, wrinkly, saggy yet kind of shapely looking humanoid torso, a wormy green tail where legs should be, very sticky-looking pinkish tendrils emerging from its severed arm-nubs, and a head that's just...I don't know, a stone slab? A tombstone????
Whoa, very creepy! It's got a really mucky, wrinkly, saggy yet kind of shapely looking humanoid torso, a wormy green tail where legs should be, very sticky-looking pinkish tendrils emerging from its severed arm-nubs, and a head that's just...I don't know, a stone slab? A tombstone????
TURPLE
I guess we could use something more down to Earth at this point, so hi there, turple! You just look like a faceless whale man, but I like it, and I like the subdued combination of a green-grey underside with a blue-grey top!
I guess we could use something more down to Earth at this point, so hi there, turple! You just look like a faceless whale man, but I like it, and I like the subdued combination of a green-grey underside with a blue-grey top!
WARMER
Just "Warmer?" Huh. This is a pretty nondescript mass of green goo and not nearly as pretty as our slime's default form, but I'm not gonna knock it. It does look oddly caterpillar-like to me, and I enjoy that.
Just "Warmer?" Huh. This is a pretty nondescript mass of green goo and not nearly as pretty as our slime's default form, but I'm not gonna knock it. It does look oddly caterpillar-like to me, and I enjoy that.
WATER SLIME
As much as I enjoy all the gibberish names, I appreciate knowing exactly what this is. It's a water slime! Of course a water slime can look like just a big, coiling eel made entirely of blue goop! I like how the sucking mouth looks like it was formed temporarily from said goo, too.
As much as I enjoy all the gibberish names, I appreciate knowing exactly what this is. It's a water slime! Of course a water slime can look like just a big, coiling eel made entirely of blue goop! I like how the sucking mouth looks like it was formed temporarily from said goo, too.
WOLLRANGER
TOTALLY one of the coolest looking of all the slimes, and I speculate this might have been one of the most popular choices among them. It has all the coolness of a cephalopod, but it also looks like some kind of plant-based monster, as though its head can split open into a huge fly-trap maw!
TOTALLY one of the coolest looking of all the slimes, and I speculate this might have been one of the most popular choices among them. It has all the coolness of a cephalopod, but it also looks like some kind of plant-based monster, as though its head can split open into a huge fly-trap maw!
ZORGLESS BREATH
This purple teratoma is our very last slime alphabetically, and its breath is zorgless, whatever that means. What I like about this one is how much it really resembles a disembodied organ of some kind.
This purple teratoma is our very last slime alphabetically, and its breath is zorgless, whatever that means. What I like about this one is how much it really resembles a disembodied organ of some kind.
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