Written by Jonathan Wojcik
GORDMAN'S 2018!
We didn't just get to see At Home while we were in Iowa; we also got to revisit Gordman's! I first saw this store in 2015 and again in 2016, where I picked up a few of my still-favorite items from their ridiculously huge selection.2018 Gordman's actually didn't have nearly as much out, but what they did feature was at least a few striking gems.
CHEERFULLY HOSTILE GHOSTS
Two foul-mouthed little ghosts who despise human children, but still never stop smiling. Maybe it's because their faces are made out of rusty screws and probably lack a full range of expression? The rusty star bolted to the middle of one ghost's chest is a pretty strange touch as well, and I love the rusty nails for arms.
"LIFE SIZE" WOODEN HOCUS AND POCUS
Well, kind of life size, I guess. The Hocus is almost four feet tall, so it's a PRETTY large hat, and the Pocus about two and a half to three feet tall, so actually a petit little cauldron.
Both look great in colorful, chunky wood, and it's just cool that I keep on seeing these creatures more than ever.
STACK OF HEADS
I've seen pumpkins and skulls arranged in piles and columns like this many, many times, but strangely enough I've never seen one that incorporated both at once, let alone adding a cat monster head. This might have been a must-have for me if it also had arms somewhere, which would have made it basically a snowman composed of heads. A headman.
"OWL" MUG
In retrospect, I should have bought one of these, but now we're over 1,000 miles away! I was on the fence because this isn't actually a Halloween item at all, but was on clearance from summer, even though it is very clearly a Strixoid. It wouldn't even be so weird if not for the paint job, giving it bizarrely clashing, intense color patterns no owl has ever had and a heart shaped face that looks like pale, naked flesh.
SKELETON ON THE MOON
Maybe that's supposed to be a pale grey pumpkin, but it looks a lot more like a Man in the Moon, grumpily oblivious to the entire glitter-encrusted skeleton sitting on his head.
LOCK, LOCK & LOCK
All three of these witches look like different adult versions of Lock from The Nightmare Before Christmas, so I guess when she grew up she ditched Shock and Barrel to start her own coven. These were only a couple inches tall, but almost eight dollars each, so I didn't buy any. What's the point if you can't afford all three, anyway?
CANDY CORNS
Gordman's has featured some adorable candy corn creatures in the past, but these might be the cutest of all, in part because those tiny, beady black dot eyes are their one and only facial feature. That's always cute as hell. It's also fairly lovable that they wear little boots, though, and I choose to believe their arms really are meant to be made out of metal wire.
SOLAR POWERED EYE FLOWERS
Oh my god, BAD ASS. With bloodshot eyes and gnarly black ghoul hands where leaves ought to be, there's no doubt that these are full blown plant monsters as light-up Halloween yard stakes! All day they absorb sunlight, like an actual plant, only so their eyes can glow menacingly long into the night. A third, purple plant was available, but I only bought two because they were over twenty bucks each. This has wound up my "big" Halloween purchase of the year, but I think it was worth it even if I don't really know where to put them. I'm not going to put them OUTSIDE and risk someone STEALING them!
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