Written by Jonathan Wojcik


Personally, I've never been a big fan of "rail shooter" games, in which you control a character's gun but not their actual movement, but Resident Evil has a few of them, and Darkside Chronicles does introduce a handful of actually pretty fantastic new monsters.


About time I see a jumping spider as a monster! Why is this game one of the only examples, even years later? Maybe it's because everyone finds them so cute that it's hard to take them seriously as predators. This has only gotten more and more true every year, and at this point, it would be like expecting players to run in terror from Lucas the Spider. Still, I appreciate that something other than a generic orb weaver, widow or wolf spider was used as a giant mutant.


One of my old favorites makes a comeback for this one, now genetically merged with a human and almost totally human from the waist down, which apparently allows it to run much faster! It's also got much longer, almost crocodilian "petals," not better than the classic Ivy, but definitely a cool and fun alternative.


The most popular monster from this installment, and it's easy to see why. It's Umbrella's closest thing to a walking skeleton, and who doesn't love a disturbingly long-limbed, lanky monster? It's actually a cross between an insect and a bat, and was intended to replace the Hunter, focusing on speed and stealth over physical strength.


An appropriate codename for a monster apparently derived from the Bandersnatch. This makes the Jabberwock a kind of Tyrant, basically, but its insect-like properties are the result of Veronica virus mutation! They're also the produce of a rival corporation, rather than Umbrella itself, so I guess they're an unauthorized bootleg in the genetic abomination market. I do really love that sorrowful, ghoulish face on this big, hulking bug-beast body.


A good mom who was once dying of a terminal illness, until her husband Javier agreed to let Umbrella experiment on "curing" her with the t-virus. It actually worked, at first, and she was her old self for a few months...but soon the mutations set in, and Hilda became this FANTASTIC amphibious monster with giant, sucker-toed feet, a tiny malformed skull for a face and a gigantic underbite! She's also protected by that awesome, translucent bubble over her cranium, but she'll turn an angry red and lose the bubble later, giving us a better look at that simply GORGEOUS mug:

That's craftsmanship! They don't make 'em like that every day! No, really, how often does a Resident Evil monster have a visage so scary but so sympathetic, so full of character? She's heart-wrenching! And even in this form, she won't harm her daughter. She has never done anything wrong and never will. I'm glad there was no reason to hurt her and she is perfectly okay and happy forever.


Hilda's husband, sadly, ends up being a big jerk in the end, having actually unleashed Hilda himself in an attempt to stop you, and after that fails because NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO HER AND SHE'S FINE, DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, he flees to a greenhouse where he fuses himself with the mutated Veronica plant.

This design is...alright, I suppose. A knot of spiky flesh, some legs, a bony pterodactyl looking head and an interesting mouth-arm. It's no Hilda. That's for sure.