Written by Jonathan Wojcik


Guest Art by Skincoats!


Posted by toad_tender:

"i recently rediscovered a dream journal that i'd been keeping a few years prior and had forgotten about, and looking back through it, i've noticed that i had two dreams in proximity which seem related: in the first, i had taken the perspective of a group four people (two men and two women?) who ran a livestream about investigating paranormal occurrences, they were driving an old blue sedan through the countryside (imagine appalachia during late november). everybody was in good spirits, excited to investigate something i wasn't ever made aware of, one of the members was livestreaming on their cellphone, interacting with somebody in the audience, when they spotted a small, hollow-looking wooden shack on the roadside just up ahead. they rolled down the car windows and stopped on the side of the road, just in front of the shack. then, they heard creaking, like somebody stepping on an old wooden floor. a creature then slowly peered out from behind the shack. the best way i can describe it is that it was like if you took chains but replaced the metal with weathered off-white bone and hardened it into a shape resembling the body of a stick figure. its head looked like a carabiner, made from the same material, with a crude, rounded beak shape on the end and a bone shaped like a rooster's comb on top. these 'chains' were all very stiff and it looked difficult for the monster to bend its joints, it moved in a way that was somehow both silent and noisy; you could tell that the joints were grinding together but couldn't hear it, i got the impression that it held malice towards the group, but it didn't feel like it was capable of having any ill intent, if that makes sense. something like a very intelligent animal. the monster just stared at the group for a moment silently before slowly creaking back behind the shack (side note - while this was going on people in the livestream were trying to name the monster, although i can't for the life of me remember what they suggested). the group rolled up the windows and continued down the road for a few moments before coming across a group of similar shacks, i think this was meant to be a ghost town, but it was so small, empty, and pointlessly located in the middle of nowhere that i didn't get the feeling anyone lived there to begin with. as they pull up, a group of "cultists" emerge from the buildings and swarm around the car. they were wearing brown robes that obscured their faces, and the way moved and acted felt extremely unnatural, like big finger puppets. the 'cultists' start opening the car doors, and the last thing i remember is hearing a gunshot (but never seeing a gun?) before i woke up, really startled.

a few weeks later, i had a dream that i was a woman being kept in a prison. i knew that i was being kept here to participate in an experiment, but i didn't know what that entailed. I'm sitting on my bed when somebody slides a wad of $50 dollar bills through the slot in my cell door. i pick up the bills, thumb through them with my fingers, and pass then back through the slot. after a few moments, the bills are given to me once again, but this time, they look completely different. they looked almost like monopoly money, made of cheap, pale, colorful paper, with an empty circle where you'd normally see the president's head and what look like random scribblings all over the front and back, i'm now immediately aware that this has something to do with a previously undiscovered civilization who lives in the Nevada mountains, my perspective then changes to something like third person, overlooking the hallways outside the woman's cell. the cultists from the previous dream are there in numbers, opening doors and entering cells. i woke up very shortly after that, with the phrase "You were here before life" burned into my brain for some reason. really weirded me out at the time."

A dream with its own sequel! There's so much interesting going on here, the mysterious actions of the cult, the way they "move like finger puppets," and that cryptic final phrase, as if the "cultists" and the dreams themselves existed to deliver this baffling message of unknown importance.

How the chain creature fits in is a mystery as well, but what an awesome design! Another one worthy of its own story, something I could see in a great game or horror film. A figure made of "bone chains" would be interesting already, but it's that weirder, more dangerous head shape that really sells it.

The Soot Dog and the Supply Closet Gurl

Posted by Connor Eden

"A few months back, I had a dream that I thought was pretty cool, so now I'm gonna share it! The entire dream took place within this flooded undersea laboratory place. Shallow water all across the floor, and brown/gray walls made up entirely of metal plates and the occasional cracked window that was leaking water in. I was in third person for most of the dream.

Right off the bat, I was slowly wading through the waters in order to escape from a moderately dangerous creature! Said creature was a supply closet, with a pair of cartoony robot arms glued onto it's sides, and the head of a girl with ginger hair wearing a tinfoil hat on top. Her face was expressionless, and the tinfoil hat had alot of cheap wires connecting it back to the supply closet. She had a really big baseball bat covered in nails, and she was slowly chasing me. She was kind of like Mr. X from Resident Evil - Very slow and dumb, but if she ever cornered me, I would be done for. After a long chase that included some puzzles I don't remember, I managed to escape the Supply Closet Gurl by unlocking and running into a circular room, where the water was blackish and gigantic garbage bags full of something were strewn about. The water bubbled, and from those bubbles, out jumped a creature I have since dubbed the Soot Puppy! The Soot Puppy was about the size of a six year old, had a dark purple fuzz coat, and was vaguely bean shaped with four dog legs that all pointed towards eachother, and two heads that took up the entirety of both it's ends - On the left was a lizard skull, and on the right was a very cartoony Chihuahua. The Chihuahua had a tentacle on its forehead, that was supposed to be the 'tail' of the overall creature.

The Soot Puppy was supposed to be the 'Boss fight' for the laboratory, and a boss fight it was! I don't remember how I defeated it, but eventually I did. After defeating the Soot Puppy, it writhed on the floor for a moment, before transforming into a pure-white silhouette, with a three-pronged head, legs and a left arm that ended in a point, and its own cartoony mechanical arm as a replacement for the right. However, instead of being a phase two, it simply decided I wasn't worth it's time and left."

Incredibly rude behavior for a final boss, but a very funny ending for an otherwise tense dream. Soot Puppy is an entertaining and cool monster design, but distinctly one-upped by the absurdity of a creature with an entire closet or cabinet for a body, and what sounds like a dead person's head hooked up to it. Why does anybody make something like that?!

The Kewpie Sausages

Posted by doomydoomydoomdoom:

"In my actual irl bathroom, I have some small wall cubbies and there is a panel in the back of them that often falls off the nails and has to be nailed back into place. If you don't, there's just an exposed big ol' dark hole that leads into the roof of my attic. Essentially, think that door from "Coraline," just not with any doorknobs.

Now to the dream: I dreamt that I was minding my own business in my room when suddenly my sister gives out a shriek from the bathroom: "EEEEEK!!! OH MY GAWD. WHAT DID YOU. DO. WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO?!? DAD IS GONNA KILL US FOR THIS WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO AAAUGH"

Panicked I ran over and stare in disbelief and confusion as my sister pulls trail after endless trail of adult arm thick pale grey lumpy ribbed "sausages", out of the hole in my bathroom cubby wall. Each link has imprinted upon it a big creepy gasping "Kewpie Baby Doll" illustration face. If you don't know what Kewpie Baby dolls look like, about 7/10 most old fashioned vintage dollies have similar faces like these, just picture any of those creepy old porcelain headed things with the big eyelashed wide open eyes, and just a big red simple "O" for a mouth, they look as if they are saying, @o@ "Oh me, oh my!" (Greeting cards and story books from the Victorian era had this look often too on little girls.) And between each of the faces, was a gross rubbery fringe, like the petals of a flower, or a type of fungus, made of meat. Or whatever the heck this gray rubbery substance was. Touching felt like balloon latex, and the chain of sausage had to be AT LEAST over 80 feet long, it was endless. My sister just kept shrieking without any stop and I just kept looking on in bewilderment at the sausage faces as her voice grew only more distorted into a disturbing faraway hospital ambulance siren like noise, and I woke up. "

This is one I might have illustrated myself if no one else got around to it. The fact that it centers on an actual, ominous hole tucked away in a real house is a great start. Then we have this gross, surreal chain of sausagey things, not even necessarily alive but obviously organic in origin, with horrible little doll faces just kind of "printed" on them. What makes it most unsettling, I think, isn't even just that this thing exists, but that in the dream world, doomy's sister apparently knows what they are, knows they're someone's "fault" and knows that they mean something terrible enough to just keep screaming and screaming. The scream becoming a siren is pretty much the perfect bookend; start to finish, this is the kind of surreal unpleasantness the David Lynches and Jan Svankmajers of the world spend their entire film careers pursuing.